evn though everything seems fine and sweet then. i know things are not. i couldnt sleep this night as I realised things are not as simple as before. where he comes, he patches and things will be back to normal and secrets are back into hiding.
today i watch a show and they say this. what is love and what is liking. i managed to move on from a guy that i really love and right now, i know i have for another whom it was never right from the beginning. mainly cos he had someone else. i always wonder why do i still continue to stay on with someone whom i enjoy the co when i know i can cry every single night for somone who doesnt show a tinge of emotions to how he feels towards you. its frustrating and yet i still perserve in the most unlikly manner of who i am.
i realised i like that person for what and who he is and sometimes i wonder is this differntation btn like and love has made the things so complex that i cant seem to let go of stuff that i should to be fair to the person who have put in feelings or should i do so for my own sake. i really dont know.
the mind get complexed in a a complex situation like this and somehow i wish im not the only person that is thinking about this as i wish HE thinks the same way as I do. 5 yrs. letting it go is like moving a mountain from a spot to anohter. and it takes a lot of courage. i doubt the feelings he had for me is able to move that mountain cos im sure he does feel more than that to her.
he was right to an extent that i assume. but how mnay times have the situations allow others to presume that it is supposed to be this way unless some one voices out how they felt. how many times have they gone missing in the weekend and then pop a stupid eh that expects ur reaction in the most warmest method ever.
i sincerly believe he knows how i feeland he knows what i need. just that he is finding the latest excuse to put the troubles aside which will just haunt all the way. it hurts to know it and i rather not to let him suffer. in this way, at least make him believe that i have died in my feelings. further more, he doesnt even check our little mail so what right does it have to let him think abt us. or mayb he hasnt at all.
the tv was right.
love wasnt abt possession.
and i know i did another right decision. its just that im afraid. what if i have to live and think abt for the whole of my life just cos i didnt desicuss with him abt it and regret cos of that. i was able to close the chapter for the former but am i able to for this as things are getting so complicated.
not that i dont trsut in his prpomise
i totally do
but i doubt he will do anything more if i say i giveup. cos he will say its a form of respecting me to what i wish. but i guess i really dont want to hurt him any further or tporture. its so painful.
